Well, yes – it’s likely you’ll get exactly what you want most of the time if you’re as adorable as this little charmer.

But even if you score a little lower on the cuteness scale, there are things you can do to radically increase your chances of getting what you want.

If you find yourself frustrated that you never get what you want, try these dos and don’ts.

How To Get More of What You Want, More Often

Don’t Complain That You Aren’t Getting What You Want;
Do Ask For What You Want

It’s surprising how much energy people will put into complaining that they aren’t getting what they want, instead of simply asking for what they want.

Here are 3 things I’ve asked for in the past 2 weeks alone – and gotten:

• I asked for a gym class that had been cancelled to be put back on:
  “3 weeks without Combat is a long time. Do you think there’s any way we can have the Saturday class back?”
• I asked a salesgirl to proactively look for items for me, rather than standing idly beside me:
  “I’m looking for business shirts in size 42 – would you be able to help me find some?”
• I asked my video store to get in a series for me:
  “I’d really love to see the new series of Rescue Me. Can you get it in?”

Excellent things to ask for include:

• Telling your spouse exactly what you’d like for your birthday (I know many cases where this has saved a lot of tears)
• Speaking up about the movie you’d like to see or restaurant you’d like to try
• Asking for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work or at home.

Don’t Criticize:
Do Be Nice About It

If you’re frustrated, it’s a good idea to put that aside before you ask. Starting your request with a diatribe criticizing the gym timetable, the level of customer service or the video selection is not going to help your cause.

Instead, smile and ask nicely. It’s incredibly effective!

Don’t Only See Your Side:
Do Make It Easy For Them To Say Yes

The more specific your request, the more likely the other person will understand what’s being asked of them.

• Instead of: Hey slob, why can’t you get off your butt and do more around the house?
  Try: Could you please empty the dishwasher each morning before you leave for work?

The more you give them a reason to say yes, the more likely they’ll feel motivated to do so.

• Instead of: I can’t pay my rent – I need a pay rise.
  Try: I’ve helped increase sales/reduce complaints/improve speed by X%, so I’d like you to consider giving me Y% pay rise, please.

If you think you shouldn’t have to ask nicely, or shouldn’t have to ask at all (they should know!), then that will have to be your consolation when you don’t get what you want.

But life’s a lot more fun of you make it easy for others to give you what you want.

What do you think? Is there something you’re going to ask for?

[Image by deanwissing]

Related posts:

1. Personal Style Clinic: 7 Dos & Don’ts For Upgrading Your Look
2. Get Organized For 2011: 6 Dos And Don’ts For A Calm & Ordered Year
3. Setting Goals, Achieving Goals – Dos & Don’ts

Can you move closer to a goal by taking action?

• Want more friends?

  Then start a conversation.

• Want a promotion?

  Ask the boss for more responsibility.

• Want to lose weight?

  Invite a friend to go walking each morning.

• Want a better marriage?

  Change something you do or say.

What action can you take to get closer to what you want?

More Like This…

This post originally appeared on my Facebook Page, where I offer tips,
answer questions and share resources and links.
Please come and join me there!

[Image by by chichacha]

Related posts:

1. What Will You Get Rid of Today?
2. Organizing Q & A | Organizing – & Sharing – Your Fave Web Resources
3. How To Get Your Groove Back (THEN You Can Get Organized)

If you’re trying to kick a bad habit, then you may be finding it a frustrating experience.

Because in order to work on eradicating an irksome behavior, you have to continually focus on it.

You can’t think about not smoking without thinking about, well, smoking.

You can’t focus on giving up chocolate without picturing the sweet, dark temptress that is chocolate.

With every self-admonition not to repeat the offensive act, you replay a movie of the exact thing you want to leave behind. It’s like trying to get over a love by looking at their picture 50 times a day (though this might work if they’re egregiously unattractive).

So here’s an alternative approach to ditching bad habits.

How To Kick A Bad Habit

Instead of focusing on what you don’t want to do, focus on something you do want to do.

Here are some examples.

Getting to work late

Every time you focus on not being late for work, you give your mind a lovely blueprint of exactly what it looks and feels like to get to work late.

Let go of that old picture. Just put it out of your mind. Instead, try focusing on a new habit. For instance:

• If you’re late because you can’t get out of bed in the morning, focus on going to bed an hour or half-hour earlier every night
• If you’re late because you can never decide what to wear, make a habit of choosing and laying out your work clothes the night before
• If you’re late because you loathe your job, focus on finding a new job.

Binging on junk food at night (I know you don’t do this; me neither)

Telling yourself that you mustn’t do the late-night bingerama just reminds you how great those Red Rock Chips taste.

Don’t feed the bad habit (pardon the pun). Starve it by creating new, inconsistent habits. For instance:

• If you binge at night because you’re hungry, focus on eating an enjoyable and satisfying dinner earlier in the evening
• If you binge at night because you’re tired, resolve to get more sleep
• If you binge at night because you’ve worked hard and feel you deserve a treat, focus on giving yourself other treats – such as taking a bubble bath, reading a book in bed, doing whatever feels rewarding to you.

Forgetting where you put the keys

Chastising yourself for continually forgetting where you put the keys is unlikely to create a sudden transmogrification of memory.

Forget about it! Instead, try something different. For instance:

• If you forget where you put the keys because you always put them somewhere different, focus on putting them in the same place every time you come in
• If you forget where you put the keys because you share them with others, decide to get a set for each household member
• If you ‘forget’ where you put the keys because you secretly don’t want to drive the kids around, focus on setting boundaries for how often/at what times you will be chauffeur.

Hasta La Vista, Bad Habit

By shifting your focus away from the habit you want to stop and toward a new behavior that’s inconsistent with or undermines the bad habit, you boost your chance of success.

Let me know how it works for you!

Related posts:

1. How To Change Habits: My 3-Cubed Formula
2. Successful New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Things You Must Know To Achieve Goals and Change Habits
3. Declutter Your Thinking Habits [Mission #47]

Here’s a round-up of some good articles and ideas I’ve found recently.

Creativity

A bunch of stuff from Lifehacker on getting organized to get more creative:

• Embrace Organization to Foster Creativity

Tough times

Good tips for avoiding chaos when dealing with tough times from Lifehack:

• How To Stay Organized When Life Throws You a Curveball

False beliefs

How to tap the strange power of being overoptimistic– a fascinating article from Scientific American:

• You Have Superpowers: Scientific American

Happiness

‘Don’t speak!’ Some wise words – to be wise and use fewer words – from Gretchen Rubin:

• Stop Talking, Or, a Happiness Lesson from Sex and the City 2.

Organized workspaces

Post-holiday office tidying tips from Unclutterer:

• Five simple uncluttering tasks

Parenting

The WSJ tells us that good parenting is less work and more fun than people think:

• The Case for Having More Kids – WSJ.com

Impact of donating

You know all that stuff you’re decluttering with 52 Organizing Missions? You can calculate the impact of your donated stuff via the new Donate/Goodwill Movement:

• Calculate your impact

By the way…

I post interesting and useful links on my Facebook Page as I come across them.
Please come and join me there!

Image: Mr. T in DC

Related posts:

1. Procrastination, Productivity, Moving and More: Links & Resources
2. Personal Organization Web Watch [11 October]
3. Get Organized Advice For Messy Teens

So I thought I’d share with you my personal resolutions for this half-year, plus my 3-Cubed Formula for achieving them – and invite you to join me in making habit changes of your own.

I’ll report back regularly on my progress, and would love you to share your progress too.

My 3-Cubed Formula

I’ve developed this 3-Cubed Formula for changing habits over many years. It’s based on my own trial and (especially) error, together with life coaching processes, and findings from psychology research studies.

Here’s how it works.

1. Choose Only 3 Habit Changes or Resolutions at a Time

Probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned from psych research, working with clients, and my own experience is that taking on too much is a surefire way to exhaust and de-motivate yourself.

Changing a habit is difficult enough as it is. It’s much better to succeed at an achievable pace, and then use that sense of mastery to set the bar a little higher next time.

Once you’ve gotten on top of one of your habits, you can replace it with a new challenge, so you always have 3 resolutions to work on.

2. Focus On What You Will Do, Not On What You Want to Avoid

The next major lesson I’ve learned is that it’s very difficult to make yourself not do something. Not eat chocolate. Not talk too much. Not be late.

As much as you might think the biggest challenges in your life are things you want to stop doing, I urge you to try it this way instead, and see how it works for you.

Frame your habit changes in positive terms – things to do, not things to not do.

You might need to get creative and look for things that:

• Are inconsistent with the thing you want to avoid
  –> EG Go to the gym; go for a walk; drink peppermint tea after dinner (if that’s when you usually smoke)
• Make you feel good about yourself so you’re less motivated to do the thing you want to avoid
  –> EG Wear jeans that look great when watching TV (so you won’t be as tempted to binge)
• Distract you from the thing you want to avoid
  –> EG Take up ballroom dancing (so you won’t be home to stalk your ex on Facebook).

Even if you still smoke, binge or stalk, at least you’ll be adding a good habit or good feelings to your life.

And chances are that if you persevere, you might just crowd the bad habit out of your life.

3. Place Your 3 Resolutions in 3 Places and Read Them 3 Times a Day

Once you’ve got your 3 habit changes or resolutions and you you’ve framed them in positive terms, put them in 3 places.

Ideally, you want to choose places where you’ll naturally come across your resolutions every day – like the bathroom mirror, your wallet, the fridge door, your bedside, your diary, etc.

Aim to read them to yourself – mentally or aloud – 3 times most days. This will help you to remember and focus on the things you’re committing to.

Got that? Okay, so now here are the 3 mid-year resolutions I’m making.

My Personal Resolutions

1. Drink at least 8 glasses of water every day.

Drinking lots of water helps me feel healthy.

It also stops me thinking I’m hungry when I’m really thirsty. One of my bad habits is eating way too many chips, which I find delicious and deeply, almost disturbingly, comforting. Drinking lots of water will help me save the chippies for when I really want them.

2. When I’m in a tense environment, focus on breathing.

Usually when I’m nervous or anxious I talk too much, leading me to say unhelpful or just plain dumb things.

So I want to get into the habit of being aware that I’m anxious, and focusing on my breaths. Breathing will distract me from becoming enmeshed in the tense situation, and slow down my rush to ramble.

3. Finish my writing tasks first each day.

The most important part of my job is to write, but I’m always tempted to get the little things out of the way first – emails, household chores, lesser priorities. And they can take all day, or at least my best energy (I call this the tyranny of the tiny).

So I’d like to procrastinate on the lower priorities till I’ve got at least one writing task completed each day.

Now over to you!

What 3 habit changes or resolutions will you set? Can you use my 3-Cubed Formula to increase your chances of success? Please share in the comments.

I’ll check in regularly to let you know how I’m doing.

[Image: By .:martu:.]

Related posts:

1. How To Live a Simpler Life: The 3-Cubed Formula [Get Organized Mission #52:]
2. Successful New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Things You Must Know To Achieve Goals and Change Habits
3. How To Kick Bad Habits: What To Do To Stop Doing What You Don’t Want To Do

Lately I’ve been thinking about change. I’ve observed friends, and felt for myself, the difficulty of navigating through changes that we don’t want, but have no control over – whether it’s a job redundancy, end of a relationship, or some other kind of loss.

I can often identify something like the five stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:

1. Denial: It’ll never happen.

2. Anger: How dare they!

3. Bargaining: If I do this, maybe they’ll change their minds.

4. Depression: What’s the point.

5. Acceptance: I don’t want to rail against this anymore; I can move forward.

It’s a painful cycle!

So I started thinking about an alternative cycle for navigating change that you don’t want, and can’t control. One that takes out some of the pain and eases the transition.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. Instead of stages that you go through, these are self-directed steps that you take. 

5 Steps To Making Peace With Change

1. Embrace Uncertainty

Rather than denial, open yourself up to not knowing how things will turn out. Denial is psychologically exhausting, but acceptance can be too great or too fast a leap.

Instead, aim simply for an absence of expectations, a vacancy. It can be both an uncomfortable and a liberating feeling.

EG:

• I don’t know what will happen with my job
• This relationship might work out, it might not.

2. Cultivate Curiosity

Curiosity is the anti-anger emotion – it’s impossible to feel both at the same time. (Try it next time you’re having a hissy fit; start asking yourself questions and watch the anger dissipate).

Aim to replace angry, railing thoughts with ‘I wonder’ thoughts: I wonder what will happen; I wonder how this will turn out. Don’t rush to answer, but be open to answers if they come.

EG:

• I wonder what other jobs I’d enjoy and be good at
• I wonder how I can be more valuable to my boss
• I wonder who else might be in my future
• I wonder how my life might be different.

3. Take Action

Focusing on things you can’t control keeps you stuck in denial, frustration, and anger – and leads you to despair as you become exhausted by all that pointless emotion. Instead, taking action can break you out of the cycle.

Shift your focus to what you can do – either to prepare for the change, or cope more effectively after it.

EG:

• I’ll ask my boss what I can do to make a better contribution
• I’ll take a class to improve my skills
• I’ll update my CV
• I’ll go out with my friends more, so I don’t feel so dependent on my relationship.

4. Allow For Adjustment

The greater the change, the more likely it is that you’ll need time for your emotions to settle. People are remarkably good at adapting to change, both good and bad, though, so rest assured that you will adjust.

Allow yourself some time to find a new equilibrium, and you’ll likely short-circuit the drama, despair and depression.

EG:

• It’s not what I’d choose, but it might end up being okay
• Things will settle down
• I know people get used to things, I’ll get used to this too.

5. Direct Your Attention

Once you’ve allowed yourself to tolerate uncertainty, then turned your mind to curiosity, taken action, and allowed a little time for adjustment, you can move on to the attention phase.

This is where you consciously direct your attention where it serves you best. You’ve done what you can, now it’s time to put your energy where reality is.

This could mean making the best of a change that’s out of your hands, or finding something new to replace something lost, or venturing into unexplored territory.

EG:

• I no longer have my old job: I’m going to search for the best new job for myself
• Now that I’m in this department, I’m going to focus on finding the good things here for me
• My relationship is over: I’m going to enjoy my friends and develop new hobbies and interests.

Get The Worksheet

If you’re a member of the Get Organized Wizard community forums (they’re filled with hundreds of posts and resources), you can download a 5 Steps To Making Peace With Change Worksheet.

Or become a member now (it’s free).

What Do You Think?

Could these steps help you deal with a change you don’t want and  can’t control? Please share your thoughts!

[Image:by David Reece]

Related posts:

1. How To Change Habits: My 3-Cubed Formula
2. Successful New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Things You Must Know To Achieve Goals and Change Habits
3. Goal Setting 101: How To Use SMART Goals to Change a Habit

Does self-help become
shelf-help for you?

Here’s a trick to better use what you read:

1. As you read, have a notebook & pen beside you.
2. When you find something to do or remember, make a note.
3. Transfer actions to your schedule with a due date.
4. Share ideas to remember – email or call a friend, write a summary for clients, blog it, tweet it or present it.
5. Donate the book to a friend or library.

I post Today’s Tips like this one on my Facebook Professional Page.
Please come and be a fan!

Related posts:

1. Time Management Quick Strategy: Learn To Say ‘No’
2. Get Organized For Thanksgiving: Grocery List Template
3. 3 Ideas for Dealing With A Messy Child

The reader raised the issue of our tendency to backslide when we try to make a fresh start, and wondered what we could do about it.

Here are some brief thoughts.

Why Self-Improvement is Like Slaying Vampires

1. Whenever we try to change or improve, we come up against pressure to regress to old, comfortable ways.

This is to be expected. Entropy rules in human nature, just as it does in the rest of the universe. New habits take work, as new pathways need to be forged in the brain.

2. Because of this, we have to be kind to ourselves when we backslide – we’re only human after all.

Pretending the resistance isn’t there, or beating ourselves up for our lack of willpower is simply denying reality.

3. But – and this is important – we also have to recognize that to be happy, and to enjoy a sense of progress and achievement in life, we have to keep working to maintain our gains, and to fight off the urge to regress.

Change is not a set-and-forget switch, it’s an ongoing process. We’re never done!

If you’ve ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, this analogy might help:
To fulfill your destiny, you have to keep killing the vampires. They never stop, so neither can you.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fluffgar/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Related posts:

1. Make a Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings
2. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 8: Happiness]
3. 20 Things To Tick Off Before The End Of The Year

Today’s the first day of Spring in Australia, where I live. You can already smell jasmine in the air!

In the US September is the start of the academic year – for students, a new chance at good grades; for parents, an opportunity to get re-organized at home.

Wherever you live, why not make the start of September your time to make a fresh start at something you’d like to change?

I’m going to make a fresh start at something in my own life – in fact, I’m going to make 12 fresh starts in 12 life areas over the next 12 days. I don’t expect to succeed at everything, but I want to give a bunch of things a try.

I’ll share my journey with you in the hope you’ll be tempted to join me in at least one life area.

What is a ‘Fresh Start’?

I’m defining a fresh start as a change that fits one of these categories:

• Start something new – or try something you haven’t done, eaten, read, or experienced before
• Give up something – maybe a habit that undermines you or an obligation that weighs you down
• Do more of something – be specific about ‘more’, but don’t be overly-ambitious
• Do less of something – be specific about ‘less’, but don’t be overly-ambitious

12 Days of New Beginnings

Here are the life areas I’ll focus on over the next 12 days:

• Day 1: Personal Development
• Day 2: Health & Fitness
• Day 3: Career & Business
• Day 4: Fun & Recreation
• Day 5: Technology & Social Media
• Day 6: Home
• Day 7: Personal Presentation
• Day 8: Happiness
• Day 9: Money & Finance
• Day 10: Relationships
• Day 11: Time Management
• Day 12: Family

Want Some Ideas?

If you want ideas for places to make a fresh start in each of these life areas, check out my (currently free) Organize Your Life & Goals Workbook Planner. It has more than 120 suggestions.

Day 1: Personal Development

Today my fresh start is to do more of something. I’m increasing my weights* in Body Pump class for biceps and shoulders (I currently use teeny-weeny-where-is that-ant-taking-my-weight weights). I’ll let you know how I go tomorrow – when I’ll make my second fresh start.

I hope you’ll pick a life area and join me!

To leave a comment: Scroll to the bottom of this post – a comment box is waiting for you.

*This could fall under Health and Fitness, but I have another, uber-challenging fresh start planned for that life area tomorrow.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tacitrequiem/ / CC BY 2.0

Related posts:

1. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 3: Career & Business]
2. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 4: Fun & Recreation]
3. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 6: Home]

The 12 Days of New Year’s Resolutions

This is Day 1 of The 12 Days of New Year’s Resolutions for Better Personal Organization

I’m spending 12 days posting ideas for new year’s resolutions you might like to choose for yourself. Each day focuses on a different life area.

Remember: go for progress, not perfection.

Following is an edited extract from the introduction to Module 1: Personal Development in Get Organized Wizard for Smart Women. 

Day 1: Organize your Personal Development

Is this an area of your life that gets neglected? In the face of daily pressures, family challenges and the holy grail of life-work balance, many people never stop and think about their personal development.

Yet it’s personal growth that keeps us fresh and alive. Without nurturing our own development we can run out of fuel and start to feel like we’re running on empty in our commitments to others.

Without stopping to foster our own growth we become stagnant. We get fed up with ourselves and maybe even resentful toward the people we see as standing in the way of the things we ‘always wanted’ to do.

This is the time to stop all that unhealthy stuff, to recover the childlike part of you that wants to explore, to re-kindle the fire in your belly.

Ideas for Personal Development New Year’s Resolutions

• Books
  One of the easiest ways to freshen up your thinking is to read. Why not start compiling your list of stimulating books – fiction and non-fiction – to read. It’ll feel wonderful to tick off those titles!
• Comfort zone
  Expanding your comfort zone is one of those things you can’t help doing once you make the decision. Choose a growth area and you’ll start to notice opportunities. But be gentle with yourself!
• Trying new things
  Don’t be someone who harbors regrets about the things you ‘always wanted to try’. Start getting those desires out of your head and into your life. You’ll find a new you.
• Overcoming fears
  If a fear doesn’t interfere with your life then it may not be a concern for you. But if you feel a fear is holding you back, think about how you might start to tackle it.
• Training
  Is the lack of a particular skill holding you back in your job or career? Plan your sales, speaking, management, media or other training so you have the edge you need to move to the next level.
• Bad habits
  Vague plans to give up habits that hurt you ‘one day’ usually aren’t effective. Start identifying the habits you want to change and planning how you’ll make these changes.
• Good habits
  If you envy others for their punctuality, optimism, assertiveness or exercise habits why not set yourself up to develop these habits yourself? Or choose and work on your own good habits.
• Spirituality & mindfulness
  Consider whether you want to make room in your life for regular spiritual practice, meditation, religion, prayer, reflection, spiritual reading, or mindfulness.
• Uplifting work
  Does your office or desk evoke a sense of disorder? Or downright chaos? Work toward a more inspiring, less distracting environment so you can enjoy producing good work.

Question: What area of personal development will you work on in 2009?

Note for users of Personal Development Wizard and Get Organized Wizard for Smart Women

Your Wizard contains guided worksheets for each one of these items, plus others, as well as additional prompts, ideas and suggestions to help you organize each one.

Tomorrow – Day 2: Health & Fitness

Picture adapted from image by Aldon.

Did you like this post? Please social bookmark it!

Related posts:

1. Personal Development: Getting Organized to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
2. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 12 – Family
3. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 7 – Personal Presentation

The trick is to think ahead about the areas where you want to grow.

Choose a growth area and you’ll start to notice opportunities – then you just need to give yourself a little encouragement to take one small step at a time.

Ideas for expanding your comfort zone

• Speaking up in meetings
• Wearing more interesting clothes
• Going somewhere new
• Starting a conversation with someone
• Seeing a different kind of movie
• Reading a book from an unfamiliar genre
• Going to a restaurant with cuisine you’ve never tried
• Traveling to a new holiday destination
• Shopping somewhere different
• Changing the order in which you do things
• Trying a new brand of something – anything!
• Doing something different at the gym
• Switching radio stations
• Buying music from a new artist or genre

Open yourself up to new things and you’ll find that as your comfort zone expands, so too does your confidence. Just be gentle with yourself!

In what areas would you like to expand your comfort zone?

Image by Yemisi Blake

Related posts:

1. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 1 – Personal Development
2. How Can Get Organized Blog Help You With Your Personal Organization?
3. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 7 – Personal Presentation