Happy Valentine’s Day to all my lovely readers!

To me Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romance, it’s a great reminder to focus on all the relationships in our lives.

So I thought I’d put together some posts from the archives that touch on organizing our relationships better.

I hope you find something here to add a little more love to your life! ♡♥♡♥♡♥

Good Relationships: 10 Tips To Make Sure You Never Have Them

Sick and tired of hearing how important relationships are?
On Valentine’s Day it’s timely to remember those who don’t want to enjoy good relationships.
Follow these [lighthearted!] tips and you need never again concern yourself with having good (or any) relationships – whether with romantic partners, family or friends.
1. Be Right. Always.  [...] Continue reading…

How To Get What You Want: 3 Dos & Don’ts

Well, yes – it’s likely you’ll get exactly what you want most of the time if you’re as adorable as this little charmer.
But even if you score a little lower on the cuteness scale, there are things you can do to radically increase your chances of getting what you want.
If you find yourself frustrated that you never get what you want, try these dos and don’ts. How To Get [...] Continue reading…  

6 Exercises For Improving Your Relationship

Note: This is an edited extract from e-class 41 of the Relationships module of the Design Your Life Program.
When we stop and think about what’s most important to us, we often say ‘relationships’. But we rarely, if ever, proactively take inventory of our relationships, or consciously think of ways to improve them.
If your relationship could do with a shot in the arm, here are 6 little [...] Continue reading…

How To Survive Your High School Reunion

Last week I went to my 25-year high-school reunion. How can that be? Most days I still feel about 12.
Leading up to the reunion I chatted with my present-day friends, and was surprised that many of them dreaded the thought. Why?
I got fat, said one.
I wouldn’t know what to say to them, said another.
But I think secretly they’d love to catch up [...] Continue reading…

Enjoy Good Relationships [Mission #23]

Good relationships have many health and longevity benefits, yet we rarely consider how we can improve our friendships.
This week, over the next 3 steps and 30 minutes, that’s exactly what we’ll do. 
Get Organized Mission #23: Declutter Your Friends
Step 1: List Your [...] Continue reading…  

Getting Organized Quick Tip #6: How To Never Forget a Birthday or Anniversary [Outlook Users]

Can’t for the life of you remember important dates?
Always in trouble for having no gift/card/ excuse on that special day?
If you’re an Outlook user, this Get Organized Quick Tip will give you peace of mind – as well as getting you out of the doghouse and into the good books.  Getting Organized Quick Tip #6: How To Never Forget a Birthday or Anniversary
In a previous Get Organized Quick Tip we [...] Continue reading…

5 People Who Aren’t Responsible For Your Happiness

Who do you look to to make your life happy and fulfilling? Are they making the grade? There are some people to whom you really shouldn’t delegate responsibility for your happiness. Don’t worry – there are only five. 1. Your spouse. You’ve committed yourself to your spouse for life. Doesn’t that entitle you to their undying efforts to keep you happy? Thankfully, no…  Continue reading…

Organizing Q & A | How To Deal With OPD – Other People’s Disorganization: My Top 3 Tips

If you have a question about a post, personal organization, decluttering, simplicity or goals, simply post your question on the blog.
If it’s of broad interest I’ll do my best to answer helpfully in this Q & A ‘column’.
And of course if you have insights of your own, feel free to share them as well. Q: There’s a fellow manager at work who’s a train [...] Continue reading…

Get Organized Mission #5: Become a Smart Verbal Communicator

This week’s task will help you save time and increase productivity every single day – simply by being smarter and more proactive in your routine verbal communications.
Your challenge this week is to spend 30 minutes creating simple templates [...]

Continue reading…

[Main image by Donna L. Faber]

Related posts:

1. Enjoy Good Relationships [Mission #23]
2. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 10 – Relationships
3. How To Survive Your High School Reunion

Well, yes – it’s likely you’ll get exactly what you want most of the time if you’re as adorable as this little charmer.

But even if you score a little lower on the cuteness scale, there are things you can do to radically increase your chances of getting what you want.

If you find yourself frustrated that you never get what you want, try these dos and don’ts.

How To Get More of What You Want, More Often

Don’t Complain That You Aren’t Getting What You Want;
Do Ask For What You Want

It’s surprising how much energy people will put into complaining that they aren’t getting what they want, instead of simply asking for what they want.

Here are 3 things I’ve asked for in the past 2 weeks alone – and gotten:

• I asked for a gym class that had been cancelled to be put back on:
  “3 weeks without Combat is a long time. Do you think there’s any way we can have the Saturday class back?”
• I asked a salesgirl to proactively look for items for me, rather than standing idly beside me:
  “I’m looking for business shirts in size 42 – would you be able to help me find some?”
• I asked my video store to get in a series for me:
  “I’d really love to see the new series of Rescue Me. Can you get it in?”

Excellent things to ask for include:

• Telling your spouse exactly what you’d like for your birthday (I know many cases where this has saved a lot of tears)
• Speaking up about the movie you’d like to see or restaurant you’d like to try
• Asking for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work or at home.

Don’t Criticize:
Do Be Nice About It

If you’re frustrated, it’s a good idea to put that aside before you ask. Starting your request with a diatribe criticizing the gym timetable, the level of customer service or the video selection is not going to help your cause.

Instead, smile and ask nicely. It’s incredibly effective!

Don’t Only See Your Side:
Do Make It Easy For Them To Say Yes

The more specific your request, the more likely the other person will understand what’s being asked of them.

• Instead of: Hey slob, why can’t you get off your butt and do more around the house?
  Try: Could you please empty the dishwasher each morning before you leave for work?

The more you give them a reason to say yes, the more likely they’ll feel motivated to do so.

• Instead of: I can’t pay my rent – I need a pay rise.
  Try: I’ve helped increase sales/reduce complaints/improve speed by X%, so I’d like you to consider giving me Y% pay rise, please.

If you think you shouldn’t have to ask nicely, or shouldn’t have to ask at all (they should know!), then that will have to be your consolation when you don’t get what you want.

But life’s a lot more fun of you make it easy for others to give you what you want.

What do you think? Is there something you’re going to ask for?

[Image by deanwissing]

Related posts:

1. Personal Style Clinic: 7 Dos & Don’ts For Upgrading Your Look
2. Get Organized For 2011: 6 Dos And Don’ts For A Calm & Ordered Year
3. Setting Goals, Achieving Goals – Dos & Don’ts

Note: This is an edited extract from e-class 41 of the Relationships module of the Design Your Life Program.

When we stop and think about what’s most important to us, we often say ‘relationships’. But we rarely, if ever, proactively take inventory of our relationships, or consciously think of ways to improve them.

If your relationship could do with a shot in the arm, here are 6 little exercises that could make a big difference.

1. Get Into Their Shoes To Have ‘That’ Argument

Do you have habitual disagreements or fail to see eye-to-eye on a certain issue? Try this radical exercise.

Get a trusted friend to role-play a typical argument with you – but get the friend to play you, and you play your partner. Explain your perspective fully to your friend, and then release that viewpoint. Genuinely get into your partner’s skin and argue from that perspective.

Be warned – you could gain some eye-opening insights!

2. Re-visit Your Partner’s Qualities

It can be a real wake-up call to remind yourself of the qualities that drew you to your partner in the first place – sometimes they’re the very traits that drive you crazy today!

Take a few moments to list all your partner’s good qualities on a piece of paper. Be honest and don’t hold back.

If you feel moved to, compliment your partner on one of those qualities. Brace yourself for something unexpected.

3. Take The Wheel

If you’ve fallen into the habit of waiting and hoping for your partner to change, try this liberating exercise.

Whenever you catch yourself thinking about how you want him or her to be different, immediately ask yourself what you could do instead. For instance, if you love flowers and wish your partner would give them to you, buy them for yourself.

Taking more responsibility for meeting your own needs can shift the balance in your relationship and spark positive changes in you both.

4. Learn From Past Mistakes

If you find yourself with problems similar to those you’ve experienced in previous relationships, or even friendships, see what you can learn from those other situations.

What did you do that helped? What did you say, or not say, that improved the problem?

Often we repeat the same bad habits in our relationships. So it’s smart to learn from our past mistakes.

5. Take Another Look At Your Problems

What’s going on in your relationship that might hold an opportunity for improving intimacy, communication or understanding? Maybe there’s a problem or issue between you that could become the seed for growth as a couple.

Try to get outside your usual perspective, and proactively look for ways you can use the situation to your mutual advantage. Ask yourself how this could be a good thing for you both.

Sometimes just looking for an opportunity can make one appear.

6. Take Time To Talk

Most people don’t enjoy long, involved relationship discussions. But if there are certain things that feel you want to raise, make a list of them.

Be sensitive about when you bring up difficult issues – choose a time when you’re both relatively relaxed and have time available. And be sensitive about how you raise things – avoid blaming and criticizing and try to focus on what you feel and what you’d like to be different.

Choose An Exercise – And Do It Today

Instead of thinking that maybe something here might be worth trying, just take action! Choose the exercise that best speaks to you right now, and do it.

I’d love to hear how the exercise works for you, so please share.

Organize Your Relationships!

The Relationships life area of Design Your Life helps you take a conscious, proactive approach to improving your friendships and personal relationships.

There are e-classes on:

· Taking inventory of friendships and relationships
· Finding new friendships and relationships
· Dealing with energy-draining relationships
· Improving your relationship skills.

When you sign up for Design Your Life you can start straight away on the Relationships life area (you’ll have immediate access to all 12 modules, including Health & Fitness, Home Organization, Time Management, Personal Development, Happiness Strategies, Money & Finance, Business & Career and Personal Presentation).

SPECIAL OFFER: Join today for lifetime benefits at a one-off special rate. Learn more.

[Image by linda yvonne]

Related posts:

1. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 10 – Relationships
2. Enjoy Good Relationships [Mission #23]
3. Valentine’s Day Edition: Relationships Round-Up

Last week I went to my 25-year high-school reunion. How can that be? Most days I still feel about 12.

Leading up to the reunion I chatted with my present-day friends, and was surprised that many of them dreaded the thought. Why?

I got fat, said one.

I wouldn’t know what to say to them, said another.

But I think secretly they’d love to catch up with old cronies, or at least to catch up with their own younger self.

As it turned out, I had a lovely time at my reunion, and I thought it would be a shame if others missed out because of self-doubt.

So here are some dos and don’ts for surviving a high-school reunion – with a little class, dignity and sense of fun.

Dos and Don’ts for Surviving a High-School Reunion

Don’t test-drive a new outfit

Wear something you’ve worn before that looks and feels good. That way, you’ll be able to relax and focus on the people rather than the outfit.

Do dress smart-casual (unless another dress code is specified)

Under-dress and you’ll feel intimidated; over-dress and you’ll feel conspicuous; sexy-dress and you’ll feel uncomfortable. This is an occasion that calls for baby-bear-ing it. If in doubt, opt for jeans, heels and a flattering top.

Don’t over-share

When you’re asked what’s been happening, don’t recount in detail your various health, financial and family woes. Stick to the basic highlights. And keep it light. Save the angst-ridden analysis for your friends. Or therapy.

Do be generous with compliments

If you notice something great about someone, tell them. What they’re wearing, how they look, what they’ve achieved, how sweet they still are – let them know you appreciate it. It will make you both feel good.

Don’t drink too much

Excess alcohol plus nostalgia can equal a morose mood. Alternate drinks with water or soda.

Do get into the spirit

Let yourself enjoy the memories, music and mutual amazement that you all look the same (you will, to each other). Take the opportunity to get to know people all over again. Who knows – you might even make some new, old friends.

[Image: by DoctorWho]

Related posts:

1. Valentine’s Day Edition: Relationships Round-Up
2. Your Child’s School Progress: How to Stop Worrying and Start Organizing
3. Back-to-School Planning & Organizing [Ultimate To-Do List Pack | Home & Family Edition Customers]

Good relationships have many health and longevity benefits, yet we rarely consider how we can improve our friendships.

This week, over the next 3 steps and 30 minutes, that’s exactly what we’ll do.

Remember: you only need 30 minutes for the basic mission. Extended Options are below.
If you’re new, you might like to start here: 52 Organizing Missions.

Get Organized Mission #23: Declutter Your Friends

Step 1: List Your Friends (10 minutes)

Make a quick list of the main people who occupy your discretionary time – time and activities that are up to you.

Check the past few months in your diary and include people with whom you socialize, share drinks or meals, play sport, meet for coffee, have parties, or engage in activities or hobbies.

Include those you regularly meet in person, by phone or online.

Step 2: Review Your Relationships (10 minutes)

Put a ✔ next to friends for whom any of these apply:

• The friendship has deepened over time
• You both enjoy spending time together
• The friendship is balanced over time – sometimes they need more from you, sometimes you from them
• The friendship is energizing – you learn from, provoke thought in, or gain insights from each other
• The friend helps you grow – on occasion you challenge each other.

Put a ✖ next to friends for whom any of these apply:

• The friendship has remained superficial over time
• You don’t particularly enjoy spending time together – it’s more a habit
• The friendship is unbalanced over time – they lean too much on you, or you on them
• The friendship is energy-draining – you feel exhausted from the effort of being together
• The friend keeps you stuck – you tend to support each other in gossiping, complaining or justifying yourselves.

Step 3: Re-Organize Your Social Diary (10 minutes)

Um, there’s no need to send notifications to people on the ✖ list to announce they’ve been culled. A simpler, kinder strategy is to simply allocate your social time based on friendship quality.

For people on the ✔ list:

• If you haven’t seen them in a while – make a note to arrange a date
• If you’ve neglected to express how much you value the person – make a note to email, call or send a card to say they’re special to you
• Over time – allocate more of your discretionary social time to these friendships.

For people on the ✖ list:

• If you’ve no dates planned and you’re usually the inviter – consider leaving things as they are
• If you’re invited to make a date – see if you can lengthen the time between get-togethers
• If you have an upcoming date – make a diary note to try to change the flavor of the friendship and move it to the ✔ list
• Over time – allocate less of your discretionary social time to these friendships.

Dos & Don’ts

• Don’t stress yourself out over who belongs on which list. You’ll have internalized a good sense of which friendships are mutually rewarding and which are not – go with your gut instinct.
• Do feel good about proactively managing your friendships. It’s a life area most people say matters, yet few people do anything about.

Extended Organizing Mission Options

Want to go beyond this 30-minute organizing mission?

• Talk to your kids about the value of having good friends – and being one, too. Help them sort through their own friends using an age-appropriate version of this week’s mission.
• Organize a dinner party, afternoon tea, games night, picnic or other event and invite all the people on your ✔ list. Celebrate your fine friendships!

Ready, Set, Go!

Remember – move quickly, act fast, don’t overthink.

Before You Go: 1) Check In; 2) Send Photos!

Please add a comment to say you’ve completed this week’s Get Organized Mission and you’re keeping your commitment.

We’d love to add your before and after snaps for any mission to the 52 Organizing Missions Hall of Fame. Please send photos to: Photos@GetOrganizedWizard.com

And see you back here next week!

DID YOU KNOW:

You can get your weekly organizing mission delivered to your inbox.
Click here to sign up for 52 Organizing Missions.

[Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/anniferrr/ / CC BY 2.0]

Related posts:

1. Valentine’s Day Edition: Relationships Round-Up
2. Good Relationships: 10 Tips To Make Sure You Never Have Them
3. Organize Your Living Area [Mission #31]

I’m making 12 fresh starts in 12 life areas over 12 days.

I don’t expect to succeed at everything, but I want to give a bunch of things a try. Come on and join me!

Day 1: Personal Development

My Day 1 Fresh Start was to raise my bicep and shoulder weights in Body Pump class.

Report: ✔ Still challenging, but now loving the tougher weights.

Day 2: Health & Fitness

My Day 2 Fresh Start was to give up Smith’s Cheese & Onion Chips – at least for September.

Report: ✔ Missing the chips but getting used to life without them. *scratches head* Huh.

Day 3: Career & Business

My Day 3 Fresh Start was to refresh my website’s home page.

Report: ✔ Trying out new home page. (Please leave a comment if you have any feedback.)

Day 4: Fun & Recreation

My Day 4 Fresh Start was to listen to more fun music, not just podcasts and audiobooks.

Report: ✔ Instituted ‘all-music/no-work iPod day’ on Fridays.

Day 5: Technology & Social Media

My Day 5 Fresh Start was to promote my new Facebook Professional Service Page.

Report: ✔ Been building up content and promoting the Page. (Please join if you like this stuff!)

Day 6: Home

My Day 6 Fresh Start was to remove one of two printers from my home office.

Report: ✔ Love having my space back.

Day 7: Personal Presentation

My Day 7 Fresh Start was to focus on posture – holding shoulders back, core muscles in, and chin up.

Report: ✔✖ Finding it difficult to remember to do this. (I’ve gotten used to the ring I was using as a reminder.)

Day 8: Happiness

My Day 8 Fresh Start was to give up watching ‘poignant’, ‘tragic’ or ‘heart-wrenching’ movies.

Report: Nothing to report – haven’t had a movie night yet.

Day 9: Money & Finance

My Day 9 Fresh Start was to claim for gym membership from my health fund.

Report: ✔ Have done the groundwork and will get the paperwork at my next medical appointment.

Day 10: Relationships

Today my fresh start is from category 3 (see below): To do more of something.

I’ve made some lovely friends at the gym, but tend to just chat in passing when I’m there. From now, I’m going to stay and have coffee once a week, or schedule other times to see them.

I’ll let you know how I go tomorrow, when I make my eleventh fresh start – in the Time Management life area. See you then!

What About You?

Think of your own Relationships.

In what area could you:

• Start something new – or try something you haven’t done, read, or experienced before
• Give up something – maybe a habit that undermines you or an obligation that weighs you down
• Do more of something – be specific about ‘more’, but don’t be overly-ambitious
• Do less of something – be specific about ‘less’, but don’t be overly-ambitious

If you want inspiration, you might find some here:

• Good Relationships: 10 Tips To Make Sure You Never Have Them
• 5 People Who Aren’t Responsible For Your Happiness
• Organizing Q & A | How To Deal With OPD – Other People’s Disorganization: My Top 3 Tips

I hope you’ll choose something and join me!

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/coreyann/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Related posts:

1. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 7: Personal Presentation]
2. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 6: Home]
3. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 11: Time Management]

Always in trouble for having no gift/card/ excuse on that special day?

If you’re an Outlook user, this Get Organized Quick Tip will give you peace of mind – as well as getting you out of the doghouse and into the good books.

Getting Organized Quick Tip #6: How To Never Forget a Birthday or Anniversary

In a previous Get Organized Quick Tip we learned How To Schedule Personal & Household Reminders.

This is a similar process, but uses appointments rather than tasks, and has a few extra steps.

1. Open a new appointment in Outlook

2. Enter the appointment subject

EG:

• Mary’s Birthday
• Wedding Anniversary 

3. Tick ‘All day event’

4. Set the recurrence

Click the recurrence button. An appointment recurrence box will open. Select the yearly recurrence pattern.

5. Set a reminder

Click the drop-down reminder list (there’s a bell at the left). Choose a duration that allows you enough days to buy a gift, organize a party or whatever this occasion calls for.

6. Add relevant notes

If it’s a child’s birthday or anniversary, you may want to note the birth or wedding year.

7. Save and close

Now repeat the process for all the dates you want to remember.

Then you can enjoy the shock and wonder of friends and family, as you face each future event well prepared with gift and good wishes.

To leave a comment: Scroll to the bottom of this post – a comment box is waiting for you.

Want to Organize Your Life, Set Your Goals,
and Re-Discover Yourself?

Check out our Life & Goal Organizer
Or save with the Complete Suite (limited time).

Did you like this post? Please social bookmark it using the buttons below.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/monstershaq2000/ / CC BY 2.0

Related posts:

1. Getting Organized Quick Tip: How To Unpack Groceries For Freshness
2. Getting Organized: How To Schedule Personal Organization Reminders
3. Simplify Your Life Quick Tip: Have a Ready-For-Donation Basket

There are some people to whom you really shouldn’t delegate responsibility for your happiness. Don’t worry – there are only five.

1. Your spouse

You’ve committed yourself to your spouse for life. Doesn’t that entitle you to their undying efforts to keep you happy?

Thankfully, no.

Relying on your spouse to keep your happiness butterflies a-flutter is too much of a burden on them. Plus, it denies you one of the most valuable skills there is: the ability to make yourself happy.

Enjoy the ways your spouse contributes to your happiness, but don’t expect them to be its only source.

2. Your children

Isn’t it every parent’s hope to raise capable, independent children?

The way you are with them will affect the way they are in the world. Are you modeling self-responsibility or leaning a little too hard?

3. Your parents

This one tends to get inverted, with people not so much expecting parents to make them happy as blaming parents for their unhappiness.

Let’s face it though: blame is the flip-side of responsibility. If you’re blaming, you’re dodging responsibility.

However good, bad or hideous your parents were in the past, don’t let that stop you grabbing the baton and changing to a happier direction today.

4. Your employer or boss

It’s a shocking truth for any employee to face, but your personal conveniences and preferences are unlikely to be integral to your employers’ mission statement.

They are responsible for shareholders’ happiness. You are responsible for yours.

5. Your friends

As Mr T never said (but should have), “I pity the fool who expects their friends to make them happy”. Because the friends don’t stay around too long.

As with the preceding relationships, it’s too much pressure on the other person to be responsible for your happiness. Share your joys and sorrows with friends, but don’t outsource your personal fulfillment.

In short

Develop the skills of happiness for yourself – it’s a benefit to others and an asset to you. Why would you want to leave that to anyone else?

Related stuff:

• Article: How To Be Happier
• Post: 11 Great Reasons To Be Happy
• 52 Missions: Get Organized Mission #7 | Be Happy!

Did you like this post? Please social bookmark it using the buttons below!

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/ / CC BY 2.0

Related posts:

1. Fresh Start: 12 Days of New Beginnings [Day 8: Happiness]
2. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 8 – Strategies for Happiness
3. Organizing Q & A | How To Deal With OPD – Other People’s Disorganization: My Top 3 Tips

If it’s of broad interest I’ll do my best to answer helpfully in this Q & A ‘column’.

And of course if you have insights of your own, feel free to share them as well.

NB: Questions may be edited for brevity.

Q:

There’s a fellow manager at work who’s a train wreck – and they don’t realize it. How do you help someone who’s clearly not organized but who thinks they’re doing fine?

A:

In general, trying to change another person’s behavior tends to:

1. Frustrate you
2. Annoy them
3. Have little or no effect on the bothersome behavior.

As someone whose parents were called to the school when I was in kindy because I wouldn’t share my markers (those miscreant children would NOT replace the caps) I totally get the irritation of OPD – Other People’s Disorganization.

Here’s my best advice for dealing with OPD:

Tip #1: Realize that the one who has to change – is the one who feels the pain

If you’re affected by this manager’s disorganization, your energy is best spent finding ways to get what you need rather than change what they do.

This might mean, for instance, giving them a list of your weekly needs (in a nice way, of course) and following up (pleasantly, of course) each afternoon at 4.

Work out what you need in order to do your job – and focus on asking for that.

Tip #2: Model the benefits of being organized

Although people don’t often respond well to unsolicited advice, they do tend to notice when someone else has what they want.

Being happy and organized yourself is a great way to sneak under this manager’s radar. Then, if they ask you how you’re so organized, you can offer to help.

Tip #3: Accentuate the positive

At heart, we’re all just pigeons learning to bowl – that is, we’re at least partly susceptible to positive reinforcement from our environment.

Showing sincere appreciation when your colleague does the things you need for your job could help encourage the organized behavior you want.

As long as your appreciation is genuine and not manipulative, you can feel fine about conducting a little behavior-shaping experiment of your own.

Did you like this post? Please social bookmark it!

Image by > NeoGaboX<

Related posts:

1. Organizing Q & A | Get Organized For Moving House: My Top 3 Tips
2. Organizing Q & A: A Morsel a Day Keeps the Bingeing Away
3. 10 Awesome Organizing Tips for April 1

Welcome to the fifth of our 52 Get Organized Missions. You can find the previous organizing missions here.

This week’s task will help you save time and increase productivity every single day – simply by being smarter and more proactive in your routine verbal communications.

Your challenge this week is to spend 30 minutes creating simple templates or scripts for routine communications, such as:

- Receiving messages (your own voicemail)
- Leaving messages (other people’s voicemail)
- Delegating

It may feel a little foreign at first to be so clear-headed about something as squishy as, well, talking, but the benefits will convert you. Try it and see for yourself!

Note:  The sample messages are only for ideas. Of course you’ll want to come up with something that suits your role and personality.

Remember – you only have to spend 30 minutes to complete the basic mission. If you want to go further check out the Extended Organizing Mission Options below.

Ready?

Get Organized Mission #5: Become a Smart Verbal Communicator

1: Streamline your own voicemail message (10 minutes)

Circumvent time-wasting telephone tag by recording a smart message for yourself.

The important elements are:

• Identify yourself -> Avoids messages not for you
• Ask the caller to specify what they need from you –> Lets you have the answer/info ready when you call back
• Ask the caller to clarify if you need to call them back –> Avoids wasted calls if their message is information only
• Give indication of when you will call back, if needed –> Avoids follow ups from the caller if, say, you batch-return calls on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons
• Ask for contact details –> Saves time and error

Sample message

Hi, Michele from Get Organized Wizard here. Thanks for your call.

Please let me know what I can do for you. If you need a return contact, please also leave me your phone number or email.

I generally return calls on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, so let me know if you need me to contact you before then.

Thanks, and bye!

Dos & Don’ts

• Do smile while recording your voicemail message – callers will hear it in your voice.
• Don’t try to squeeze in too much. It will be confusing.

2: Write a script for leaving voicemail (10 minutes)

The same principles apply in reverse to messages you leave for others. Write yourself a simple script for leaving messages and leave it right by the phone, or on a post it to stick on your cell phone.

The important elements are:

• Identify yourself -> Don’t expect them to know it’s you
• Specify what you need from them –> Lets them have the answer/info ready when they call back
• Clarify whether they need to call you back –> Avoids wasted calls if your message is information only
• Specify if you need them to call back by a certain day or time –> Helps avoid your having to follow up
• Repeat your phone or email contact details –> Saves time and error

Sample message

Hi Brad – Michele from Get Organized Wizard here.

I’d like to move the conference from September 12 to September 19. All other details remain the same.

Please call me to confirm if that’s OK with you. I need to book by Tuesday morning so please get back to me before then.

My number is 555 5555. That’s 555 5555.

Thanks, Brad!

Dos & Don’ts

• Do batch your phone calls to save more time.
• Do consider leaving an email address if it’s easy to understand – and repeat it.
• Don’t leave your email address if it’s a mouthful. Stick to a phone number.

3: Write a script for delegating (10 minutes)

Streamlining your delegating communication can save time and radically improve the task outcome. It’s worth preparing a little template script for yourself.

The important elements are:

• Specify the task clearly
• Specify any preferences or special requirements
• Specify what to do if there are problems
• Specify the deadline
• Specify what to do when the task is complete
• Give them a chance to ask questions

Sample message

Percy, could you please move our entire conference booking from September 12 to September 19 and advise all attendees?

If possible I’d like the same menu, but if not make an alternative selection that you like.

If there are any problems get Sam to help – he’s well known at the venue.

I need this rescheduled and all attendees notified by Thursday’s meeting. If you could email me confirmation that it’s done by then, I’d appreciate it.

Dos & Don’ts

• Do type up step-by-step notes for more difficult delegation tasks. It will take longer the first time, but make life much easier in the future.
• Do address what should be done if problems arise. Delegation often fails because a task gets stuck. Provide a what-to-do-if safety net.
• Don’t assume no news is good news. Specify what should happen when the task is complete, especially if you’re delegating to a new person.

Extended Organizing Mission Options

Want to go beyond this 30-minute organizing mission?

• See if others in your office or business want to join you in planning smarter verbal communications. The whole team will enjoy time and productivity gains.
• If you have kids, teach them to be informative in their messages and texts by including details like where they are, what time they need to be picked up, etc. You’ll be showing them how to be proactive communicators.
• If you send many similar emails or email replies, prepare a few template emails and save them into your drafts folder. Then you have a starting point for your regular missives.

Ready, Set, Go!

Remember – move quickly, act fast, don’t overthink.

Before You Go – Please Check In

You’re now accountable to your organizing mission-mates! Once you’ve completed this week’s Get Organized Mission please add a comment to let us know you’ve done your assignment and you’re keeping your commitment. (Click ‘Comment’ at the very top of this post or scroll down to the bottom. Depending on how you’re viewing this post, one of those options will be available for you.)

And see you back here next week!

UPDATE:

You can now get your weekly organizing mission delivered to your inbox. Click here to sign up for 52 Organizing Missions.

Image by Torley

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1. Get Organized Mission #13: Organize Your Emergency Contacts [With Free Emergency Phone Contact List]
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3. Get Organized Mission #3: Organize Your Bill Payment

On Valentine’s Day it’s timely to remember those who don’t want to enjoy good relationships.

Follow these [lighthearted!] tips and you need never again concern yourself with having good (or any) relationships – whether with romantic partners, family or friends.

1. Be Right. Always.

Acknowledging mistakes and extreme behavior such as saying sorry is for wimps.

A better strategy is to insist you’re right, no matter what.

If your pigheadedness is met with logical arguments or convincing persuasion, resort to personal attacks (you smell), distractions (have you gained weight?) or all-purpose retorts (you are!).

2. Let Yourself Go

If someone really loves you, it shouldn’t matter that you make no effort to look after yourself.

People who want good relationships try to remain appealing to their loved ones – looking good, being interesting, maintaining personal pride.

Abandoning such pretentions means never having to say ‘pass the remote’.

3. Expect them to know what you want

It takes a certain amount of self awareness and thought to work out what disappoints you and to ask for something different from your loved ones.

Don’t waste your time and brain cells on this; let them work it out. Really, you’ve got better things to do – isn’t Jerry Springer on?

4. Sulk

Expressing your feelings and negotiating for what you want is a fast train to good-relationsville. Get off now!

Instead, sulk. It keeps the other person clueless so that deeper bonding is forestalled. Plus, it’s really unattractive and annoying, helping erode any lingering loving feelings your loved one may harbor.

5. Be needy

Over-reliance on your loved one is a great way to turn them off.

Develop a pathological need for reassurance, insecurity and inability to do anything yourself. Before you know it, Bob’s your uncle. And your loved one’s your mother. Sweet.

6. Be irrational

This is a toughie, because flashes of rationality can creep up on even the most hardened anti-relationshiper. Instead, commit to drama, histrionics, hysteria.

Excellent strategies include bringing up irrelevant points, throwing things and bursting into tears. Also, make taking extreme offense your default setting; if you can take offense, do take it, no matter how much you suspect your loved one didn’t mean it that way.

Seeing them as human, like you, only leaves the door open to rational understanding. Slam it shut!

7. Be aggressive

Develop a persona of easily yelling, shouting, screaming, hurling abuse – all are good.

The more anxious the other person feels about raising issues with you, the more likely they’ll keep things to themselves. This saves you from hearing about their pesky concerns while increasing their frustration till they’re so fed up they give up. It’s win-win!

8. Never move on

Harbor all past resentments. Letting go leaves you bereft when you need ammunition during completely unrelated arguments.

Buy a notebook (might I suggest a very large one) and keep it – and your heart – filled with bitterness. In no time your relationships will need more than cortical stimulators to resuscitate them.

9. Assume the worst

About the biggest mistake you can make is to assume your loved ones love you, and to see them and their behavior through this filter.

It will put you in the disconcerting position of thinking they have good reasons for things, hearing them out, and in alarming situations, realizing you misjudged them.

Instead, assume they hate you, are out to get you, and wish to see you perish in a steaming cauldron of rank gym socks. After all, isn’t that more likely?

10. Complain constantly

I’ve saved this gem till last because even robust relationships that can survive a lot will struggle in the face of non-stop negativity.

People have their own concerns, worries and insecurities, so continually assaulting them with a barrage of ceaseless complaint will eventually wear down the best of them. Add a whiny tone, unrelenting personal criticism and deep, slow sighs and you’ll be howling ‘I am a rock, I am an island’ in no time flat (and if you sing flat, that’s a bonus).

Don’t suffer the torment of love, friendship and companionship one minute longer.

Put these tips into practice with your friends and loved ones and you’ll – Hey! Where’d everyone go?

Image by James Jordan

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Related posts:

1. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 10 – Relationships
2. Valentine’s Day Edition: Relationships Round-Up
3. Enjoy Good Relationships [Mission #23]

The 12 Days of New Year’s Resolutions

This is Day 10 of The 12 Days of New Year’s Resolutions for Better Personal Organization

I’m spending 12 days posting ideas for new year’s resolutions you might like to choose for yourself. Each day focuses on a different life area.

Remember: go for progress, not perfection.

Following is an edited extract from the introduction to Module 10: My Relationships in Get Organized Wizard for Smart Women. 

Day 10: Organize your Relationships

Relationships are fundamental to human beings. We can be nurtured, fulfilled and supported by our connections with our loved ones, our friends, and even the colleagues we work and spend so much time with.

On the other hand, relationships that go sour can upset everything, draining us of energy, depriving us of sleep, even making us bitter.

When we stop and think about what’s most important to us, we often say ‘relationships’. Yet when do we proactively take inventory of our relationships, or consciously think about ways to improve them?

Why not devote some thought and time to organizing these all-important aspects of life. Let’s get organized…

Nurturing special relationships

Most of us have relationships that hold a special place in our hearts – perhaps a partner, children, special friends, or a close sibling.

If there’s room for improvement in your special relationships, consider:

• How to address the challenge or opportunity
• The other person’s perspective
• Their good qualities
• Ways you’ve dealt successfully with relationships in the past
• Areas for discussion with the person.

Dealing with energy-draining relationships

What about people who consistently leave you drained and exhausted? Instead of suffering in silence or getting mad, for each ‘energy-drainer’ in your life, consider:

• What exactly drains you
• Whether it’s short or long-term (ie, whether it will sort itself out in time)
• How you could act differently
• What you could say
• How you could reduce the time you spend with the person.

Enhancing relationship skills

It’s wise to keep plenty of focus on yourself in relationship-improvement thinking – since that’s the only person you have any real control over!

• Meeting new people
  Target shyness, becoming more outgoing, initiating conversations, inviting people out socially, going out more yourself and being open with people you meet.
• Unhelpful relationship beliefs
  Become aware of beliefs that might interfere with your relationships (eg that people always let you down, or that you need someone to make you happy), and brainstorm more helpful ones.
• Communicating better
  Would it help your relationships if you were to be more open, trusting or appreciative? Do you need to work on managing anger, listening better or criticizing less?
• Handling conflict
  Some conflict is inevitable, but you could focus on expressing yourself clearly, staying rational, understanding the other person, clarifying, asking for what you want, and apologizing.
• Being more independent or assertive
  If you want more independence you might like to work on taking responsibility, relying more on yourself, learning to live without others’ approval and saying ‘no’ nicely.
• Getting help
  If you feel you’d like more help, consider options like books, courses, talking with a friend, seeking counseling/therapy alone or with a partner, or a couples’ course.

Question: What area of your Relationships will you work on in 2009?

Note for users of My Relationships Wizard and Get Organized Wizard for Smart Women

Your Wizard contains guided worksheets for each one of these items, plus others, as well as additional prompts, ideas and suggestions to help you organize each one.

Tomorrow - Day 11: Time Management

Picture adapted from image by Aldon.

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Related posts:

1. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 2 – Health & Fitness
2. How to be Organized in 2009: Day 12 – Family
3. How to be Organized in 2009: The 12 Days of New Year’s Resolutions