Why is the laundry not folded?
Why are the breakfast dishes still in the sink at dinner time?
Why are all of the jars open?
Living with a messy partner can be one of the most frustrating things about your spouse. Sometimes it can seem like you just can’t get through to them. But messy and clean “odd couples” can work out, it just takes some work from both parties.
How To Live With A Messy Partner & Not Lose Your Mind
1. Be Very Specific About What Bothers You
Not only do you need to use “I” language with a messy partner — but you also need to explain things clearly.
Most messy partners truly can’t see the mess that they’re leaving around.
The reason they can be messy is because the clutter simply doesn’t bother them. So when you ask them to do something to fix it, it’s harder for them; they just don’t have the visceral reaction you do.
Try to outline things for them from a functional standpoint: “I prefer it if you wash the dishes immediately, because otherwise it will attract ants or cockroaches.”
2. Distribute the Chores Fairly Rather than Equally
Try not to get too caught up in what’s “equal”, try to focus on what’s “fair”.
Your partner may want to take turns doing the laundry or turns doing the dishes, because that’s “balanced.” In truth, though, there are some chores that people just hate and other chores that people enjoy. Distribute the chores fairly based on what’s easiest for the individual.
If someone enjoys yard work but hates laundry, it makes more sense to distribute the yard work to them. Likewise, if someone absolutely hates dishes, they may need to take up a couple smaller chores to make up for never doing the dishes. The important thing is that no one is doing significantly more work that they loathe.
3. Try Not to Get Irritated
As long as your partner is genuinely trying to help out, getting irritated is only going to cause animosity.
Rather than getting irritated when a chore isn’t done or a mess is made, treat it as a mistake and request that they fix it. Too often couples begin to treat their partner’s mistakes as intentional acts of aggression; with a messy partner, it very likely isn’t intentional at all. Instead, they simply cannot see the same mess that you do. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with it, but taking it in a more positive direction can help your mood as well.
4. Get Rid of the Excess
You can’t have clutter if you don’t own clutter, right?
One of the best ways to limit the amount of messes that a partner can make is simply to eliminate unnecessary items in your home. Dishes are a great example of this. If you constantly find that dishes aren’t getting done, one way to get into the habit of doing them is to put all dishes away except for a few that you use. This forces you to wash dishes on a regular basis because you simply don’t have enough of them to keep cycling through.
5. Create Positive Reminders
Some tasks, such as taking out the trash at the end of the night, can simply be forgotten.
Setting alarms on smartphones and other devices is a good way to remind yourself and your partner that it has to be done before you to go bed that night. You can even set up a system for alternating chores, so there’s never an argument regarding who is supposed to do something next.
6. Work With Them Rather than Against Them
Try to think from your partner’s point of view. Sometimes with someone who is absent-minded, it isn’t a matter of not wanting to do something; it’s a matter of forgetting altogether.
Often you can eliminate problems simply by altering the environment. For instance, if your partner tends to leave clothes on the bathroom floor, you might be able to resolve the problem by putting a hamper in the bathroom instead of the bedroom. Providing organizational tools can feel like a defeat, but as long as you aren’t “parenting” your partner in other emotionally exhausting ways, it may just be one of those little things done for the health of a relationship. That being said…
7. Try to Avoid Parenting Your Spouse
When you’re sick of tidying up after your spouse, you may end up parenting them instead of treating them as a partner.
Parenting occurs when you start feeling that they’re so irresponsible that they need to be taken through things step by step, and when you assume they are doing things incorrectly intentionally because they are lazy.
Remember: for the most part being messy isn’t some inadequacy; it’s a minor incompatibility. People live in different ways and grow up with different tolerances for mess. By approaching it with them rather than against them you can turn it into an exercise in bonding rather than a constant fight.
8. Teach your Children to Clean Up After Themselves
Dealing with children on top of a messy partner can be a hair-pulling level of frustration, but it can be somewhat mitigated by teaching kids to clean up after themselves.
Agree early on deciding the types of chores that you’ll teach children (such as picking up their toys, or bringing their cups and dishes into the kitchen), and make sure that you teach them these skills consistently. That way, even if you still have a messy partner, you don’t have messy kids.
9. Learn to Make Some Concessions
Acceptance can be a huge step if you can concede: my partner is disorganized, and I’m going to have to live with it. There may be some small concessions you have to make, such as letting them keep their personal office in disarray, or allowing them to leave their own clothes unfolded in their drawers. There are some things that truly just don’t bother messy people, and where it doesn’t directly impact you, you may just have to leave them be.
Are you living with a messy partner and need to vent? Tell us your craziest stories!
(Update: read part 2 of this post here)
I’m in the same situation my husband is so messy even i put the garbage can beside of his table suddenly he dont use it . he just love to sprinkle his mess around the house so sad, I always felt being commanded to clean his mess all the time. it hurts bcoz it makes myself pity to do such thing for 17 yrs. sometimes it comes on my mind to go away and live alone. but nothing happen bcoz I love my kids even I am melting like a candle everytime my husband yeld me when I told him to not do such irritable things for me.
Glad to see I’m not alone in this frustrating circumstance! People should really revise wedding vows to read “in sickness and in health, in mess and chaos…” – that would have made me think twice about saying “I do” lol!
My wife is not intentionally messy per se. The problem is she just doesn’t see it, nor was she raised to put things away in a timely manner. Married for 22 years now and although I could tolerate things over the years, it feels like it is becoming unbearable these days. Cups with a little bit of coffee left around the house. Used tissues on the ground. Clothes left on the floor. Dishes in the dish rack that don’t get put away.
We have 4 teenage kids and unfortunately, despite us trying to teach them to be neat/tidy, it’s no use when they see their Mom not following through with her own requests. Her rationale is “we can hope better for our kids”. So our house is filled with 5 messy people and then me 🙁
I’m a “doer” by nature. So I end up doing the majority of work at home. Laundry, cleaning, yardwork, shuttling children, cooking. I do a lot of the stuff she either doesn’t see or would never even think of doing. eg) soap/washing the sink of all the dirt, Although I’m the “bread winner” of the family, she finds herself busy with her own work/education.
I like point #7 “try to not parent your spouse” – I was working overnight and returning home the next day around noon. It also happened to be garbage day. I had thought about sending a reminder to my wife that it was garbage day. But then I realized that this would be parenting her. I thought “surely when she leaves in the morning, she will see all the other houses having their garbage out, and that will be the reminder she needs, if any”. Came home at noon and guess what?…..no garbage taken out 🙁 So despite working 13 hours through the night, I parked my car and then took the garbage out. Aarrgh!!
She complains that I keep a running list of all the “offenses” – I try not to keep a list but I just can’t help it! There is always something that annoys me (about wife/kids), every single day unfortunately. We had a BBQ with used skewers collected in a cup on Saturday. I went away the following day on business, returned Friday…..and found the cup of skewers still on our kitchen countertop! She joked about why they still weren’t thrown into the garbage. Seriously?!?
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable either. Just asking people to put garbage away (eg. empty kleenex box on the table, empty toilet roll left on the holder), put dishes in the washer (rather than leaving them on the counter or in the sink), putting clothes away (rather than just dumping them on the floor), turn off lights if not using them. I could go on and on with all the examples that happen in my household!
I’ve picked up after everyone, thrown out garbage, put away dirty dishes, turned off lights, closed/locked doors that were left open/unlocked for years and now I’m feeling just done. I don’t want to leave my wife but I’m feeling like I don’t know how to live like this for the rest of my life. My kids will be leaving the home in the next few years and although I love them, part of me can hardly wait for them to get out of the house so it won’t be so messy.
You really just painted a picture of what I might have to deal with in the future with my partner. We just moved in with each other , I knew he was messy, but it is so triggering to wake up and see the trail
Of crap he leaves everywhere. It’s upsetting and I feel defeated, unseen, and resentful. Im sorry Josh.
Marry me? 😀 😛
As i read the other comments and from my own experience I have come to the conclusion that this issue is soo prevalent that it causes many more people to seperate then those who are able to over come. I hate to say it, but they dont seem to change. I will be teaching my child to be warry of getting involved with someone who is used to living in such a different standard. I feel it is disrespectful no matter what your relationship is, to not try to make the other people living with you feel comfertable by at least taking 30 min out of the 24 hours in a day to maintain the living space.
My wife and I got married in January. She’s in school. I’m working full time. I don’t even know how to approach it to her that she needs to clean up after herself. Like I understand she may be tired but I wash clothes often enough I fold them and bring them up to our room so she can put them away. She leaves them there for weeks. She eats and drinks stuff and leaves the empty stuff all around the house. We have a scond bedroom that she uses as an office and salon. That room is always a messn I don’t know if I’m over reacting or what. I mop and sweep consistently. Clean both bathrooms often. Cook when I can. We both load the dishwasher consistently. But I just don’t know what to do.
I’m in the same boat. I cook , clean, take care of the mowing and gardening and take care of all our dogs needs. If I complain she states she is tired from work and that I complain too much. When guests visit they always compliment our home and she acts like she contributes to maintaining our home. I’ve about had it and rather get divorced.
Hi I’m having issues here. Married for 21 years I’m 16 years younger than my husband. We have 2 children boys senior high and elementary. Ever since I have a big problem cleaning our home he won’t let me touch his stuff because his reason was he couldn’t find his things. The house is too messy. Trash, papers everything you can step of in things everywhere. I get headache to look at messy house. I can’t throw away anything even if I think it’s a trash. He doesn’t clean either. He always make decisions and everything I feel like I was never treated as a wife. But he always Blamed me things that our marriage sucks because I did this and I did that. He doesn’t want to accept his fault everything is my fault. I cried many times hiding in the room and cry. I tried not to show him how sad I am because before I used to cry infront of him But it seems like he doesn’t care my feelings. I pretended to be strong and I fight back words only. He always said I’m not a good to our kids everything I do or when I tell our kids something mostly he will tell the kids I’m wrong and not to listen to me. I love my kids very much and I’m even having anxiety attack it’s hurt so much and my kids mostly they will believe their dad. The kids tells me stuff and I told them it’s bad not nice and my eldest will tell me, dad calls you this and that. I told the kids they shouldn’t do or say what other people says especially when it’s not nice. I told them even your dad will say this things to me, you are my son and you are not him. I love you and it hurt when you will say that to me. My husband bought a house in diff state without my consent it’s because it’s his house I can make a decision. But the lender wanted me to sign the paperwork because we are still married. I have to sign it because if not he will get mad and blame me. Now he is moving and taking the kids. I can’t come with him because I have bills to pay and he moved to the town that I wouldn’t able to afford my own bills. He works at home so he still making the same money. He always said he wanted to divorce me because I am not a wife to him. Before it hurt so much but now is still hurt but not as much as before. He cheated on me before and he blamed me for it. He said it was my fault I didn’t do a wife thing. He has kids from the past and he didn’t even thankful for taking care of them. Little mistakes it was my fault and the kids was mean sometimes because of their mother. I cooked, washed their clothes and cleaned still I wasn’t good enough. Now his others kids are grown up and they told me I was nice to them I was the best stepmom because I never hurt them and I was helping them I wasn’t mean to them. I was touched and happy but my husband thought I wasn’t nice to them. I felt like a lot of things has been missing in my marriage so I told him to spend time together. I asked him to date me but he said no. I felt lonely and unwanted and I felt like he doesn’t love me as a wife anymore. We don’t slept together much no intimate or passionate. Later on i started seeing someone many guys but no s_x I’m too afraid but my husband no matter what I do doesn’t appreciate me. I’m still willing to fix our marriage but we are just too different people. I can’t make decisions Anything. We are leaving in different state but not legally separated.
I am struggling with an incredibly messy wife. She is very easily distracted, will only do things that are of interest to her and will often leave the house for 5-7 hours on her days off to do fundraising activities for her clubs, and charities and to see friends, and when she is home, will sit for 3-4 hours on her phone watching funny videos and messaging friends.
She works 4 days a week outside of the house and I do 5 days a week working from home. Because I am home 24/7 I am left caring for our children, and animals, and cleaning and I do the majority of the cooking while fitting in my full-time job, often working into the night.
I feel that anything I do or say about poor hygiene or cleanliness is taken the wrong way, and turned back on me ‘you are the one with the problem, not me’ or ‘I think you need to go to the doctors’. I am really at breaking point, as my children are growing up and taking on my wife’s habits, – rotting food hidden around their rooms, etc. I don’t see any of the above recommendations as helpful, if I leave the house will fall into ruin and my children will suffer.
I’ve tried everything and I decided I’m not going to take anymore. So I’ll keep quite as much as possible and stay to myself researching no positions in my field and rental properties if I can’t purchase a new home. I had too take pictures and videos just in case I need them for the divorce. Good luck
Hmm this is too draining.. I’ve experienced this before and since being messy is already their habit it’s too hard for them to change. I was with someone for 2yrs who is very messy but with all the teachings and reminders never made him change a bit. Go with someone who knows how to hold his shit.
Hmmm…reading all these stories makes me feel like I may actually have ran out of options. I’m so angry right now that o think separation might be the only way but I fear for my kids as no matter how I try, they would rather learn from the ways of their mum as they see me being too principled and controlling when I try to teach them how things should be done.
My wife is super messy, like not just that, even she decides to clean after a whole lot of arguments, she causes more mess because she doesn’t even know how to clean nothing. I have left the bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room when I found that I was cleaning our room like thrice day and I would still have to sleep on mess at night. She would do anything on the bed, food drinks and all what have you.
Leaving the room for her thinking she would change her ways but I was wrong, she became worse. On my house right now, one can pick up used baby diapers more than 5 on the floor, some of which have stayed more than 48hours.
I’m just not sure I can deal with this anymore. The bathroom is a big mess, the rug carpet in the bedroom is filled with food crumbs and gummies. You can not walk bare footed in the house without things sticking to your foot.
I have tried every means, even scheduling cleaning up together, she would rather give excuses than clean up.
Omg that’s too much and I feel bad for the kids because they’ll pick on those habits from their thinking that’s the right way if living, am so super tidy I want everything to be in place but then the problem is my husband we met online am Zambian and he’s Canadian so we currently got married and we’re leaving in Zambia for now but something I’ve noticed is he doesn’t take care of himself hygienically he’d stay for 2 days without taking a bath and when ask politely when he’s going to take one he seems not to like it ,h tells me back that he’s not a child and will bath later. He doesn’t have good clothes not that he can’t afford to but he just doesn’t care about what he wears and stuff I don’t know how to deal with this. We’ve a big age gap am 33 and he’s 54 so sometimes I take it as though I can’t ask him to do anything because he’s older than me or he doesn’t have to listen to me because am younger, am quiet confused.
O boy… she’s plain ol triffling… sounds like you are ready and in need of a new wife
Not sure where to start, I have so much. But I’ll start by saying it’s the little things of not putting stuff back that bothers me. She made her room second kitchen, she don’t like to take shower or clean around where she stay . Definitely I can say this, that she is against
Cleaning, I try my best to help her and she doesn’t accept she start yelling at me , finally I give up and now I’m trying to find a away and leave her, can’t live with her anymore
O boy I feel bad for you… leave her disgusting ass and get you another homemade lady.
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I live with a messy, unorganized selfish man. I do 95% of the housework. What really bugs me is that we live in a rental and his two ferrets are destroying the place. He never paid a pet deposit because he said the landlord was okay with pets. I never heard her say that. The ferrets are NOT litter box trained. They pooh and pee wherever they want. It stinks! He will only clean up when I point it out. At our last rental, he allowed the ferrets to go into his nightstand which was in the living room. He took the drawers out, and there was a HUGE mound of pooh! Not to mention the pee that seeped and stayed in the wood. Plus the ferrets dig at the carpet and there are bald spots in places. No way is my husband going to pay for the damage. He also leaves leftover food out, let’s food go rotten in the fridge and his bedroom is a messy. He has so much stuff that the living room is full of his stuff too. We have 0 storage here, and all my stuff (which isn’t much) is crammed in my bedroom. I have got rid of some of my stuff over the years, just to give him more room. He grew up with 3 brothers, so has a real “male” mental outlook: he says ALL men swear ( he swears at me, calls me bitch, cunt, pig, whale, etc.). All I ask from him is respect and help with household chores, that’s it! I have had to actually leave the place sometimes because I can’t get away from his ferrets. They have free roam of the whole place a lot. So I have to constantly be aware of not stepping on them, not leaving cupboards open, not to step in ferret poo. It is difficult keeping them out of rooms, so I even have ferret noses around me when going to the bathroom! It has driven me to tears of frustration, but my husband does not care, they are his sweethearts. However, I am the one having to play with them while my husband is in his room watching endless tv and playing his computer game.
Stop accepting that kind of treatment. He is never going to change, but you can. Leave him, sister, and never look back.
Run, run away
One time I thought of getting ferrets as pets, because I thought they were cute. I discussed with my landlord who was a very friendly guy and he actually had a policy of not allowing ferrets. Once he had a tenant with ferrets and after they left, he had to actually tear the floorboards up because he could not get rid of the smell. They are cute, probably they can be litter box trained, but if your partner will not help with the training, it won’t work. Good luck to you. I feel your pain.
Hi my wife is the messy type and she does to chores when I help but I also work full time so I can’t babysit my wife to have her do the chores with taking care of the kids I have been out a job before and have done lots with my time and still had time for the kids need help this is week 4 of messy messy house I feel as tho I’m living in a teenagers dorm room instead of a home plz help I’m on the brink of drastic measures (taking the kids and taking her to court and getting a divorce cause of her messiness I’ve talked to her several times about how I feel and she always says sorry and I try to do better
I know EXACTLY how you feel, I deal with this same exact thing, and get the exact same response from her. I am completely out of ideas, and have even told her if things don’t improve I will be moving out, and all I ever get is, “I know I dropped the ball, and I’m going to do better.” but that only last about a day, 2 at most. I am so out of ideas that I feel like at this point I’m just prolonging the inevitable.
I’m not going to say that I’m not a messy person myself but compared to my partner I’m definitely a lot better. While they are the one to do all the more detailed cleaning around the house such as bleaching areas and picking fluff out of the corners of the carpet, I am more of a small concise mess maker and leave small items but definitely try to keep it all in corners or in my area. I’ve tried so many times now to express how frustrating it is that they always leave their messes around in public areas for days/weeks until it comes to a boiling point and I get fed up and start to do it myself, only to hear them say “I was going to do that later/ this weekend”.
Even as I sit here now the kitchen table is being used for storage for her work items and puzzles and the lounge room is littered in eating items, drinks, clothing and bed equipment. I almost feel the worst of it that upsets me the most is their constant need to buy random crap to “organise” areas of the house. Containers in almost every cupboard in the kitchen but they’ll just leave the ingredients on the bench instead of putting them back. Baskets for clothes yet the only clothes ever in there are mine. A whole cupboard dedicated to medical supplies with labelled containers but the panadol and bandaids etc are always left on the benches or around the sink in the bathroom. Was is even the point.
Hopefully attempting the steps above I can have a more peaceful experience in our home because I’m becoming absolutely fed up at this point.
My partner is driving me to the brink of insanity with his uncleanliness, barn-like behavior. Most unorganized, scatter brained man I’ve ever met yet. Gets pee all over the floor in the bathroom, leaves beer cans, cups, water bottles all over the house, picks his nose and flicks it at the wall, spits constantly, as SOON as I get anything spic and span, the bathroom..kitchen or living room he comes in with shoes on throws his shirts and sweaters wherever and just leaves it there, can’t find NOTHING to save his life ! My coat closet he’s managed to clutter f*ck that as well by throwing all the coats onto the floor. There’s two cupboards in the kitchen that I call his junk cupboards because.it has the most random , nasty useless junk in it that he frequently puts his keys , wallet in that he also loses at least once a day. Anytime I fold clothes and put his neatly in his closet since I kicked him out of my dresser, THAT is all messed up and unorganized as well. Anything that is ever lost in the house is because he has touched it . The bathroom, as soon as he gets out the shower he does not close the curtain a huge pet peeves of mine cuz I keep my house very clean and on top of the mess I already have from four children he’s just another one added to the mess that I have to constantly follow behind all day to keep this house together! And DONT gete started on any of the house rugs!!!!!!!! He manages to mess up and move all over every single one even with strong carpet tape under it how he walks he drags his feet or something because even my will kids all 6 and under don’t even move the rugs. !!!!!!!!! UGH
I’ve told my husband several times to NOT pee on the toilet seat and when I’m around he won’t do it but when I’m not around he pees on the seat again. I also told my husband to use the flosser pick to floss his teeth with one hand and then block anything from flicking on the mirror with his other hand. When I’m around he covers his mouth but when I’m not he flicks it on the mirror. I am constantly reminding him to keep the house clean but now I find myself reminding him to NOT do certain things multiple times a day. He’s driving me crazy, I’m so close to filing for divorce and selling our house that we bought together bc it’s irritating me really bad.
My partner used be neat and orderly, but as our living spaces grew, he got messier. He used to make the bed, stop at my house, fold my laundry as a surprise… it was all a trick to get me to marry him i tell you! It’s hard because my ex was obsessed with cleanliness but made me feel like dirt about one thing being out of place. Second hubs is a polar opposite. He tells me the house looks great, thanks me, but never ever makes an effort to keep it that way. He does some laundry on occasion and will wash dishes but during his busy season i get stuck with everything, on top of raising our child and working full time. We are constantly battling a never ending laundry pile, and he always takes off his jeans or jammie’s and chucks them somewhere, never in the hamper and never in a drawer. Hamper is literally 2 feet away. I’m just going to start burning his clothes. I give up.
I am dating a messy partner who has come from a family of messy people. It amazes me that not only will she walk past things that are visually out of place, she will find the most pleasurable thing to do except clean up. When I was younger I had never understood that people could be like this. Now that I aged into my thirties and am ready to settle down and get married I see that this is an issue that is deeper because she has kids that have the same disgusting ways. I don’t have children or the dirty ways that she has, so I try to be helpful and supporting. However the closer we get I start to notice other things that are red flags, like the fact that she tries to blame her children for why her house isn’t another red flag is the fact that she has raised her children ignorant and dumb to the fact that taking care of home is a responsibility not a punishment. We live in a world with so many options that people don’t even think that being a dirty person is a problem because they can go outside and find a guy online in 5 seconds that will accept the disgusting conditions.
Currently , I’m in a relationship with a messy partner. I just don’t understand his logic as to why he throws his most valuable pictures, lyrics, clothes and other personal treasured belonging on the floor – like trash and then there is sometimes trash too. If you haven’t figured it out, I’m the neat & tighty one. I find myself wanting to clean more and more, because I’m getting grossed out. Though, I too have been working on being more flexible about leaving some of his stacks alone, such as his stacked clothes in the spare room. Though, I hate when he leaves his clothes and guitars all over the living room. I guess it’s because I just hate coming home from a long day at work to a visually messy living room for it’s the first room I see. Then when he cooks, I just have the urge to clean up right behind him… it’s awful! Yet, I hold back and do breathing exercises to get me through it. Though I feel I can clean as we go as he prepares dinner. So, there is less of a mess later. The garage is a hot mess too, especially his side. Though, I’m consciously being patient. I’ve requested some clear space to walk through the garage and keep my bikes accessible. I guess what I’m sharing is that I’m finding this challenging to live like this, yet I love my partner . I’m really torn.
Unfortunately, im in the same situation, I come home from work & have to clean a spot off the table just to eat!!! He & his daughter always leave coke cans everywhere & even food!! Seeing more roaches has my nerves on end. I have told them repeatedly that you can’t leave open food out on the counters, store, bedroom floor, etc. B/c they draw roaches & rodents!! He hasn’t had a job since last Aug yet can’t help keep the house up. I love him but I also have Multiple Sclerosis, (nervous neurological disease) & it’s just become so overwhelming it’s as if it’s paralyzed me b/c I don’t know where to start & I can’t keep up picking up from them constantly much less getting to the basics of home order & some cleanliness!!! Just about fed up b/c I can’t even feel comfortable in my own home after coming in from work!!! Wit’s end!!
So I had this argument with my partner about keeping the house messy, it’s 3 days now he has stop eating at home, stop having any intimacy with me, giving me silent treatment and all please what should I do?
Dump him. He’s a quitter. My husband doesn’t that. Three strikes, you’re……
Not sure where to start, I have so much. But I’ll start by saying it’s the little things of not putting stuff back that bothers me.
Example: I asked my son to put a load of paired socks on my husbands and I bed. I’d get it them and put them away.
For many reasons I got busy and want able to get to them before bedtime.
My husband goes to bed first but not before throwing all the paired socks on the floor! I believe we had had a small argument just before bedtime as well.
This tells me he did it intentionally:(
I left them there and he picked them up 5 days later. He put them back on the Bed.
He then goes to bed, I walk in to put the socks away. I find him watching TV with the remote in his hand. It’s 7:30 his bedtime is 8:30.
I comment why is it that you have time to watch TV but not put the Clean fitted sheet he was covering himself with on the mattress instead of sleeping on the mattress itself.
(I had given him the sheet set a couple of days before.
He replied why haven’t you done it?
I walked away before a big argument in the middle of the night.
We have a 2 story home nearly 3k soft.
4 bdrms, 2 1/2 baths, 2 living rms, 2 dining rms and an office.
A 17 yr old daughter who spends 98% of her time on her phone which he tells me to leave alone because he doesn’t wasn’t to hear any fighting and he just wants be relax after work.
P.S i DONT work
How frustrating! BTW, you do work it’s just not paid work. Trust me when I say, you are not going to change his or your daughters behavior. What you can do is change how you react to their behavior and your availability to be their house keeper. Have you considered working outside the home? Maybe then you can afford to have a house keeper come in occasionally and maybe also have some extra money to treat yourself. You deserve it.